If I told you are going to die tomorrow,
What would you do?
If I told you this is your last day on Erath,
What would you do?
If I told you I loved you,
Would you grab my hand and run away?
Would you ignore my words and look away?
What would you do?
Would you take me to that secret space?
Would you tell me you don’t feel the same?
What would you do?
If I told you I loved you.
*This blog is part of a series that explores my journey towards Feminism. It would be a bit random and i haven’t written the next part yet but if you like what you see, please like and comment this post. Constructive criticism is always welcomed.”
Since i was young, i was always different than everyone i knew. Whenever i saw a female character cooking in a kitchen, taking care of her kids, getting them ready for school while her husband ordered her around to find that one sock which he apparently couldn’t see, i felt uneasy. Whenever i saw other women in my life blindly agreeing to everything the men in their family said, my stomach dropped. Why the women are always so submissive? My younger self asked but never got the answer. I was always asked to keep quiet or had to listen to this hour long rant, mostly from other women, about how we are supposed to obey men because “they know better” even if that man was their 11 years old brother who didn’t even know how to tie his shoelaces. I was someone who was not good at confronting others so i would just listen, giving a disapproving glance or two.
I was not part of the clique and felt alone as no one shared the same views as me. My friends actually avoided getting into discussion related to women with me because I had something different to say, something different than what society had taught them, as if having your own thoughts was something bad. I always felt like a stranger in my own group and often asked myself, “Where do I belong? Am i the weird one or is everyone living in this oppressive shadow world where they couldn’t fathom how women are equal to men and men won’t lose their masculinity just because they cook a meal?” So i avoided getting into these discussions altogether, keeping my feelings inside while going through the motions.
This was before we got a computer in our house and the luxury of internet. I still remember we had to put the telephone cable inside the modem port in CPU and got the slowest internet ever but it was still better than nothing. I started dabbling into different search spaces and reading the material i was interested in. After 2 years of surfing the fun side of internet, I accidentally landed on an article discussing women who were working hard to get equal rights and how these prominent feminists were demanding equal pay and benefits as their male counterparts. I don’t exactly remember the title of that article but one word stuck to me and it was “Feminist”. I had never heard of this word before as we were never taught about any movement for women’s right and had no idea what it meant. I started reading up on it and googled its definition. “A person who supports feminism.” What’s feminism? I asked myself. It read: feminism is “the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes” and i felt right at home. With one sentence i knew where i belonged, what my identity was, and what i was fighting for all those years ago. That’s when i realized there are people who share my thoughts and feelings. I was delighted to know they are vocal about their beliefs. I was happy. I proudly call myself a feminist. I was at home. Finally.
I almost forgot i had a blog here until today when a friend of mine sent me her poem and asked me to give my thoughts on it. She said she is starting her own blog and intends to publish it there. It was indeed a beautiful poem and it hit me. Damn! i also have a blog which i totally forgot about. I know, i know. I must be losing it because i am forgetting a lot of things these days but i am working on that. Now i am hell bent on being regular on my blog and write something worth reading. 🙂
See you soon and hopefully Wisdom will strike me on the way 😀
For Some reason, i want to turn this blog into my Personal Diary. I might not be able to be too open about my feelings (as it is public) but there might come a time when i can.. so from now on, i’ll try and write my thoughts and feelings here. So bear with me 🙂
Is there something called “True Love”? or is it something that cease to exist?? What i feel, what you feel, is there any way it is relevant at all?? To you, To me, To nature… To all those whom we love and they wont love us back.. Is it necessary to die for them?? Is it necessary to cry for them?? Is it necessary to give them any importance at all??? Why are we like this? Is there nothing we can do about our these stupid feelings??
I try to find closure but i get none.. I am amazed how this world works, how you work, how i work.. The feelings of superiority, the feelings of hatred, the feeling of remorse.. Should we give any importance to them then the feelings of love, the feeling of attachments? Why are we like this..
The human nature is beyond my understanding.. Hell, i can’t even understand my own feelings! These Damn Feelings of mine change like the wind. For a moment its here and the second, its gone.. Whooosh! just like that. Is there any way to understand how a human mind works.. I feel so lonely and then i am not! its horrible. Humans are weak. They can’t even control their own emotions. Ah! i wish i could at least control mine..
Maybe we are meant to be like that. You can’t really argue with the nature anyway. So, i guess we have to bear with it and open our heart to someone who deserves it! One might not know who to trust but i guess if i open my heart, i might find the One.. 🙂
Guess what, Its my Birthday.. Yay ^_^
I am 21 years old now and well i don’t feel the responsibilities rushing towards me.. xD
But i pray and Wish that i get what i want this year and May this year be the Best year of My Life (hehe self-wishing 😀 i hope you Don’t Mind 😛 )
Wish me Luck.. 😀
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